job searching

I am almost positively sure that i've come to the crossroads in 'career' more than about 98% of people on the planet. And i'm 28. All of you lucky ones knew a little bit more about what you wanted to study in school, or what you wanted to do to make a living, and a lot more about how to make it happen.  how'd you all know?

I've always been envious of people who have their paths clearly marked.  Of course, on a higher plane, I understand that we each have our own things to work through, find, and master. One of my biggest issues- the one that leaves me feeling lost and in tears at least once a year- is the path marked "career." First of all, it doesn't help that I'm as free-spirited as i am.  In other aspects of my life, my freeness and liberality is embraced; cheered on, even. It's America! In love, in art, in perception of life. My mind and heart are open.  But in America, the same place where freedom and openness are supported, one's career, credentials, finances, and achievements are honored, in a way, more than what they themselves are experiencing.

I like to think that If my time were up tomorrow, I'd feel accomplished in what i've learned on the human plane of love. (The subject I've incidentally found myself studying, in depth, throughout my 20's.)
Yes. So, I'd like to think that if credentials of such were respected, I'd have a Master's already. A doctorate.  The profoundness of what i've learned about relationships, about growth as oneself, about all there is to fathome of the divine...I'm proud of.

My focus and pride has never been on my own academia. I got good grades. if I wanted to. In college, I thought it was a shame to ace a test on a book I never read just because I owned the Cliff's notes. What had I really earned, had I not absorbed the story itself? An "A" did nothing for my growth. And neither did my agreement of importance of the books' words themselves, with he who wrote the exam.


Because of my view on this and other things, my contemporaries, for one thing, have believed me to be from another planet.  Especially since I was raised by a stock broker and a housewife.  in the midwest.
I can't explain why. Learning is bliss. I always enjoyed it. And because of this craving for newness and what I don't know- I've dappled in so many things.  I studied English for my degree. I took so many 'impractical' art courses that I got a minor. I was 3 credit hours shy of finishing a business minor, because I flunked Finance. daughter of a stock broker, i know..
I went on to find my first job as an "in the meantime." I got the job by wearing some cool shoes to a Chamber of Commerce breakfast with some suits.  A dude there commented on them and offered me a job at a sleek, high end hotel in St. Louis. So, ya, I got a job because of the shoes I walking in. And I respected the guy for his good taste in shoes and his generosity, more than the prestige of his title.
I worked the front desk, but got to wear anything I wanted. Parents: great that i have a job.  Me: i get to wear whatever i want, and not work a 9-5. score..
I then graduated to a real person job. A line developing assistant for a shoe company! Cool! This time, I could wear whatever I wanted, and I'd get high-fives for doing it. But when it came to designing the shoes, business wasn't being won with where my mind wanted to take it.
I left to experience nightlife. Working in restaurants and bars. That's how it started.. I had odd hours. could party when i cared to, had days off to roadtrip wherever i wanted. And found a whole new dimension to wearing whatever I wanted.
The rest is history.  Since then, I've answered phones at a beverly hills spa, waited tables at a French bakery, auditioned as an actor, taught pre-school, worked for a yoga company selling yogawear. I got certified to teach yoga dance classes, and got so close to opening my own yoga studio that i had a lease in front of me to sign.  And then the ultimate: I cocktailed.
I miss writing. Which is why i do this.
I've helped design rooms of friends' houses. I've created playlists for, and taught classes that have people tearfully thanked me more afterwords. I paint, I tinker, I design. I've started writing a children's book. I give good advice. I love it all. And more than anything, I love helping others find light in their lives. Someday, I know, it will click. And i'll know how to use my gifts the best way I can.
In the meantime, I found my first job as an "in the meantime" and have been "in the meantime ever since."