botox at 28

All of a sudden when I turned 25, my face started acting up. So, i had to figure out what blemishes were. I'm convinced that it had more to do with years upon years of birth control pills- (those trouble makers) but still- my body was now producing something that made me break out. So, i went to a dermatologist for the first time at 26, and there ya go, no more problems.

It was only natural to see one again recently, since I hadn't been in a while. i decided to find one out here in LA, mostly to have my Nordic skin looked at after working on a southern california rooftop in the sun all summer long.  I was expecting a scolding for not having worn 80 sunblock.

Instead, I was met with a few daunting questions, and fingers feeling around on my face.

"HAVE YOU EVER CONSIDERED BOTOX?"

Don't get me wrong- I wasn't overly phased, and I didn't go home and cry while staring at my reflection in the mirror. Of course, I had never considered Botox at 28.  Nor was I going to.

This is LA. And this is a doctor's office. And this doctor just so happens to have "cosmetic" somewhere in her dermatological title. So, no, i wasn't surprised.  This is her living, these are her techniques.

My heart did not break for myself. And for this, I'm thankful, and even a bit surprised. So, no- i didn't worry about it, or play myself a sad aging tune.  Instead, I thought of all the other 28 year olds that had sat in the same seat as I did, had come in for this or that, a zit here, a rash there, etc.. and had their faces prodded and poked by a doctor who then would tell them that she could "fix that" if they ever wanted to.

So, ya, my heart broke a little for those girls. They're out there somewhere, probably not looking at their faces like they used to. They may see an imperfection until they can't stand to see it anymore.

And so, those girls will go back to that doctor with cosmetic in her name, and have the procedure- not so that they can necessarily see perfection, but just so they can see something not imperfect.

It's these little lessons I learn along the way that reaffirm my gratitude for the work I do as an instructor.  I like to think that every time a student of mine leaves my class, they feel a bit more love of self than they did when they walked in.

And if they do, my job may not be grandiose and huge, but my job is pretty cool.

feelings- don't feel them so much

I am such a self-imploding, self-indulgent glutton, that i sometimes get lost in my feelings. I let my mind race, and the tornado whirl, and pretty soon, it's a miracle if I can find my way out.  The art of 'getting out' i now realize, is not as imressive as the art of 'not getting in.'
In childhood, getting upset was almost a cycle.  I would be disapointed by someone, and off i'd go into my room. painting, drawing, writing, listening to my collection of Beatles albums. It was the escape of what i didn't know i couldn't handle yet about life.
Now, it is the art of not having to go to 'my room' to paint or write...but it is most definitely the reason why I can.
And now, as I've built the harness to my emotions with the strength of heart, I can learn the lessons I need to, have the relationships I desire, and make headway with this grandiose world with which i was once at war.

help: life is funky

No one ever tells you that your 20's are just as gut-wrenching and torcherous as they are fun.

I could've sworn that growing up, the 20's seemed like ones' glory years. I always thought it was the 'prime' of life... it's when everyone looks their best, does the most, and...da.da.daaaaa....GETS MARRIED.

It was the predictability of life laid out for me that created my first rebellious move..a literal move.. to LA. Somehow, despite the underlying dream behind my departure to Hollywood, I figured i'd also conveniently escape the monotony of what, inevitably, my family was expecting from me.

After all, isn't it a little too coincidental that EVERYONE finds their spouse at that golden age of 20-something..and the natural course is kids at 30, family at 40, retirement by default after that..

I think that some of that actual trend is the biological clock's fault. We find what we need to procreate. when we can.

Contemporary society has a lot of exceptions. Exceptions, now, are not only acceptable, but prevalent. People are waiting. Women are choosing education, and following thier own paths. Men are off the hook a bit, with the blossoming concept of dual-income.

Women are having babies well into their 40's, and my friend D's favorite show, Cougar Town brilliantly argues 40 is the new 20.

So the 20's can be lived a bit less pressured, right?

Hard to say.

When you're in your 20's there's so much going on, and not an abundance of direction..which is what we're raised to expect. Suddenly, if you're going at a normal rate of speed, at the mere age of 23, you're out of an educational structure that has done the dancing for you. So..you're free, and it;s time to rush into the structure of a job. What happens when you free float...

i suppose something like what's happened to me.

Lots and Lots of loose ends!

But here we are, in our 20's, with the damn clock ticking, horomones gushing, (especially with girls on birth control) and hunger for money, success, and survival. The added dimension, which i'm not sure everyone can even see- is the unique threshold of enlightenment and spiritual awareness that people are finding whether they like it or not, can't avoid..

It's a collison of many things; this day in age. And this age .

So, ya, it's hard to say.

I have many friends who wonder why they're still single at 28, as the biological clock tick-tocks away.

On my 28th birthday, a guy at work congratulated me on the official commencement of my eggs shriveling.

And there are days, i'm afraid, I never escaped at all.